broken string
the dragon kite swims
into the wave


—Barry Goodmann

About the author: Barry Goodmann (bgoodmann at aol.com) is a poet, writer and editor who lives in the New York metropolitan area. He has published poetry on several websites and in various literary magazines.

8 responses
published 28 March 2003
in

 

Responses to the haiku for 28 March 2003 by Barry Goodmann

  1.  
    Norman Darlington
    2003-03-28 02:07:24
     

    This doesn't do it for me. It seems to be just a sentence with a couple of line breaks.
    I realise this could be said about some rather good haiku too, but this one just doesn't elicit any reaction in me... Sorry Barry!

  2.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-03-28 06:28:41
     

    the things that do come to mind, as though the gatekeeper has been careless; (sigh) back to the matter at hand.

    to think, if my head was not attached, where might it be now.
    in examining this piece, my soul whispered, "there's simply nothing there, at least not yet". in continuing; was i reading the ingredients on the side of a can.

    i am grasping for words to further explain.
    there is a picture drawn here, yet...
    i can't relate, perhaps a remake is in order. the subject matter has potential.

    case in point:


    life line...
    kites not known to swim
    broken string


    surely, there is someone else who understands the lack of something artistically being produced.

    hooray, there's norman, people will begin to wonder, "what is this, again, norman and bob in agreement".

    yes, dragon kites are rather picturesque, but here it seemingly was laid to rest or simply set adrift.
    there are times when less is best, for within a haiku, does lives a soul...

  3.  
    Craig Mclanachan (cramar at actrix dot co dot nz)
    2003-03-28 18:17:12
     

    I find this a satisfying image having observed people kite flying at the beach and wondering how they would feel if the string snapped.It is just to be enjoyed for itself. Musicality is important to me and to this end I would replace the 'the' in the last line with 'a'.There is an inferred line break on the first line, maybe a '~'? Peace.

  4.  
    deborah
    2003-03-28 21:30:07
     

    A good image. Perhaps stronger with colour?

    broken string -
    a red dragon swims
    into a wave

  5.  
    Ellen G. Olinger (ElinGrace at wi dot rr dot com)
    2003-03-29 08:01:04
     

    Having just caught up on the overnight news, this speaks to me. With prayers for peace...

  6.  
    Guy
    2003-04-01 18:11:04
     

    I liked it; it produced a vivid image for me.

  7.  
    john tiong chunghoo
    2004-01-12 10:09:01
     

    japanese kite festival
    gods and legends
    fight in the sky

  8.  
    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-05 18:38:44
     

    broken promises --
    the sparrow
    falls to earth

    -

    9.