the moon flutters
in the evening breeze
there in the water

—Mike Gregory

About the author: I've been studying and writing haiku for a little over a year. After participating in a scifaiku list for a couple of years, I began to focus on more traditional haiku.

email: mikeg_56 at yahoo dot com


Responses to the haiku for 14 July 2003 by Mike Gregory

    2003-07-14 20:23:30

    a galaxy extinguished
    with a casual wave


    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2003-07-14 21:12:55

    i enjoyed your concept, mike.

    you began with something great, i was surprise to find i had completely read it, in spite of it being three short lines; i was somewhat mesmerized.

    i have to admit we have a sentence here. you could have come up with some great forms for comparison(juxtapose), turning point, and found yourself reading, "great job mike".

    mike, the thoughts are there.

    here are my thoughts, restructured from yours:

    ~ evening breeze ~
    whispery moon...
    shimmers on the water

    2003-07-15 08:21:32

    Nice moment BUT...let the haiku itself direct the reader's senses without directly pointing out "there in the water". By simply placing a body of water like 'roadside pond' still takes the reader there without all the "pointing".
    Keep it up!

    john tiong chunghoo
    2003-12-31 22:20:33

    the moon
    an owl and frogs

    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2004-06-27 13:44:54

    black backdrop --
    moon, stars, and clouds
    my thoughts this summer evening

    what a great still!!!


    Michael Simm (michael-simm at t-online dot de)
    2004-12-25 14:53:46

    Hey Mike,
    come back and kick ass!!!

    Best wishes from Germany!!!

    bob richardson (orgbob at webtv dot net)
    2005-01-02 20:38:33

    northern breeze
    from the same direction ~
    pine bends